I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
