Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
