I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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