I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
A bitchslap is in order.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
