She's JV to your varsity
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
