Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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