Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
