can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
