my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
