Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
