went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize