Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
