We won't sleep together?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Randomize
