We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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