Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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