can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
