Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize