It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
