You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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