i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
