from now on my penis is your penis
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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