just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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