Can i not drive my cunt home
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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