plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
