He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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