i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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