I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
