***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
