We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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