I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
