Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
