see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
