Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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