well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
