I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
