I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
