Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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