I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize