WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
