i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
