Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
