we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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