We won't sleep together?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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