so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
