I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
