i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
