I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
