no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
