My balls are so social today.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
