Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My feet surprised me
Randomize