it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize