I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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