I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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