I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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