There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
