Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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