i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
