My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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