I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
