Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
