two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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