By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
