he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
