Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
