you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
