In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
