not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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