Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
